...frogs and snails, and puppy dog tails..that's what boys are made of

If today was any indication... I will rue the day Ben doesn't have a structered program this summer. I'm at my wits end. Too many boys hanging at my house...especially since my house is glass. My sister Pam, talked me through most of it...but it only got worse as the night progressed. This afternoon I lost it when a harmless toad got weed-whacked. Granted, most men I talked to laughed, said it was a guy thing. Ben and I had a heart to heart about right from wrong and about expectations from his dad, even though he physically wasn't with us anymore ..not an easy conversation, we both got teary eyed, I held him tight. I think he knows now. I'm still trying to decompress...breathe

I spoke with Jack's mom twice today. The first time was for catch up on Ben's last two games, they couldn't be there. Then I called her ..asking her if she could give Ben a haircut tomorrow morning.

It is so hard to talk to Jack's parents, they are devastated in a way that I cannot imagine. She can't speak on any occasion without breaking down. It could be my fault, because I always want to give Jack's philosophy, when it comes to raising Ben. I always thought a Jack story about Ben would be comforting.

I grieve as well, but it's different..I am now the mom and dad, provider of everything. At this point in time, I can't fully go down that road.

Tomorrow will be three months...and it's a Monday, that just sucks, because I have no clue what I've done for those three months..all I know is it still feels like yesterday.