At some point today I became overwhelmed. I didn't actually have a trigger moment, I think I started looking at the "big" picture. What in the hell am I doing and where am I going? I remember having similar thoughts in my young adult life. My daily existence seems to focus on what small thing I can actually accomplish.
With the stars and heaven all aligned tonight, I ran into my neighbor Todd. He lost his wife a year and a half ago. Erica, ironically, was in the same sorority as myself. We used to swap many stories as we watched our boys play baseball...she was my friend. Todd and I were both picking our kids up at the same time from the after school program. We text weekly, but tonight he asked me about Ben's summer plans. I told him I was staying home. Trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Todd keeps his emotions in check, but when I told him that he came over and hugged me tightly...told me he would come over soon to talk. He knows....
I spoke with a friend tonight, missed a call from another..somehow they knew.
Ben had to finish his last bit of homework tonight. He almost started crying because he knew nothing about Iowa's government branches. I asked him why. He said they learned it the week he wasn't in school..when Jack died. I hugged him tightly and told him it was okay...told him his teacher wouldn't be mad.
I try, I struggle, yet I still get up everyday. I also laugh. This carousel ride I'm on is no fun, but part of the journey.
And the seasons they go 'round and 'round
ReplyDeleteAnd the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game...
...throw in a little harmony and life will keep on smiling in you my sister friend.