I liken myself as a new tree, a sapling. My family are the roots that give me life. If I were a potted sapling, they would need rocks underneath to help the roots from dying. My sisters are those rocks. My friends are the trunk, they give me support, helping me to stand up.
Yesterday, I was in complete meltdown mode, I could have done a load of laundry with my tears.
This morning I spoke with two friends who imparted their wisdom and inner beauty to me. They met me at a fork in the road and both led me down the same path. To protect their identities, I'll just call them Sara and Diana:)
So, today was better.
I folded 5 loads of laundry, made a phone call to find out the autopsy report is not done yet and had my in-laws over for a bit, Ben got a haircut from Grammy.
As one of Jack's good friends, mine too, said, I'm living in limbo until I get the report. Essentially, I'm in an inbetween state, which may be the hard part about this whole thing.
Tomorrow will be one month, technically probably 3hrs...just breathe
I speak of myself as a sapling. Where does Ben fit into this equation?
He is the water. The water that will help me grow, the water that gives me hope.
Once again, beautiful writing Barb. What struck me was that you are Ben's water, too. He needs you more than ever to help him grow and give him hope. And you are doing such a good job of that Barb. Ben is such an intelligent, thoughtful, and loving person. Keep it up!
ReplyDelete(ps...if you add soap to your really tearful days does it count as a shower? I think so.)
"It's called Purgatory... a state of suffering that Fortunately is temporary", says the rock to the sapling...
ReplyDeleteNot a single day goes by that I don't think of you and Ben. I'm sure this is true for so many of your friends. Even when we are silent and know not what to say... we are sending our thoughts and strength your way.
ReplyDelete