...getting grounded

Dealing with demons isn't a fun gig, Thank God for Moms, who finally get you back on a path. Our family needs closure on Jack's ashes. There are two sets, one to bury and one to spread.  My mom thinks it's time to do it, I agreed with her..but how easy is it to forget... to think about it. She will be in town this week-end for my nieces first communion and wants me to set up a meeting. Ben is at an overnight Boy Scout camp out, yet has a baseball game Sat. at 9am.I have a scout's dad coming back into town, early, with the boys. Do I go to the game for Ben or go find a burial site for Jack?...angst.

...a voice

other than little people. Tonight, I want to thank any adult for a moment of their evenings...it made me feel sane:)

...unfortunate series of events

I would like a re-do. Had to be a part of 911 coming down my street in front of my house. Ben wasn't home at the time, but I ran outside to find one of Ben's besties choking on a gobstopper that got lodged in his throat. I kept hearing weird noises, peeked outside and saw my neighbor giving the heimlich to a 13yr old. I freaked the freak. My neighbor was awesome, I contacted his mom and all said in done it was a happy ending...until I stepped foot in my house. I just broke down and cried. Ben's friend never lost breathing, so we knew he would be okay. I just relived the worst morning of my life. 911, cops, answering questions, legs going numb, body in shock. I'm so thankful Ben wasn't home, cuz, once again I would have failed him...by not being with him when he needed me the most. I hugged him tight before bed.

...inner peace

My friend shared the most comforting song on Facebook last night. I think I've listened to it 5 times already. It truly made me feel His comfort..it gives me peace. It's my new bedtime nightly song. Thank-you Sara and thank-you God:)  On another note, nailbiter of a baseball game, we lost by 1. Big Ben was the opening pitcher, very rusty, but held his own. TGIF, my friends.

The Fray - Be Still (Lyrics)

...new steps

I took Jack's wedding band off my right hand this morning...it feels ok.

Happiness

...happiness is..

thanking all my friends for the last year. You've picked me up, when I needed lifting, you've kicked me in the butt when I needed to move, you've distracted me, so I could be there for you...you've made me laugh, cry, think, learn and grow....that's happy:)

seasons of love with lyrics

...how do you measure a year

Even though the clock says it's Friday, I'm still awake. It's after 12:00. My phone has been ringing all night with concerned friends. I also took the time to speak with Jack's parents. I called them. I empathize with them more than I think about myself...it's always hard.

Earlier I wanted to post about about the happiness of the word "eve". What kid doesn't love the night before something. Eve sucks, tonight has sucked, tomorrow will suck.

The red eyes need to dry up...someday.

...trying to keep the threads in my clothing from unraveling

...interesting opening, damn, I should be in bed. This is a tuffy(I prefer that spelling:), week. Never thought it would be. Emotions are funny, they come out of the blue, unexpected, unrehearsed.

I turned into a 5yr old girl tonight, when I talked to my mom...she said, how are you honey?  Nothing like an  break down in my mind only. After that call, I spoke with three other vital people. Pam told me to quit holding it all in, I called her to only make me laugh. She has wisdom in her younger age, gave me pause.

Friday's D-day. What does that mean to me, discovery or dead?

In World War II, it was a war...what's so different about my last year?

I need new clothes.