It's always a great time being at my mom's home, she makes it fun. I felt out of sorts a couple of times. This was my first visit back. Yes.. a first, that made me give pause. Ben and I always went to my mom's right after school..he couldn't wait to get there. My vow to Jack was to always call...to let him know we made it okay. Jack always came later in the night or the next morning.
Out of habit, we got unloaded and I'm sitting in the bedroom where we always stay... at the edge of the bed, with my cell phone in hand, I almost called him, to tell him we were safe.
I am safe...I have my family and my dear friends. It was tough celebrating my birthday without Jack being there. He was just part of the family dichotomy, I felt less complete at dinner last night. My mom gave me two birthday cards last night...one was all fun about being my age...the other was to a daughter. She inscribed, "I am so proud of you, Barb. You're doing a great job"....flood gates opened.
...note to self... rely on your people and your family, cuz they are the best medicine ever.
The part of Jack's death is macabre to me, it haunts me. This week-end Jack was missed, especially watching activities he would have been a part of. I do miss him on a daily basis.Thank God this was a trial run for Christmas..maybe I won't cry in my eggnog:)
Ben just jammed my right hand ring finger playing football this evening, thowing a hard bomb...it's tough being a dad...I also broke my fingernail:)
You have WAY more friends and family support than you know... people you think have been "long-ago" friends think of you all the time and wish you well and pray for peace for you. You are going to make it through... I've got a feelin'
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